I should have known better

than to date a computer dork. There are just certain things a woman can't compete with. My competition is slashdot.org. [Note: he told me this weekend that he doesn't read my blog, so I feel justified in writing about him in it :P] He spends hours reading through slashdot. Which wouldn't bother me so much if he did it on "his" time and not "our" time. How can I compete with a website? It's not even a porn website! I think that might worry me less, to be honest.

I understand that he works hard and this is his way of keeping informed and relaxing. But we don't have that much time together each week, thanks to his work and living so far apart. It's not like we see each other every day. In fact, it's not like we talk to each other everyday. So I don't think I'm asking too much for him to spend some quality time with me. I manage to do most of my "necessary" things when he's not around. I intentionally try to save the time when we are together for us.

I guess the crux of the matter is that it makes me feel inadequate. Like my presence isn't stimulating enough. And then I begin to wonder if he likes me at all and why we are dating, which just leads to neurosis and paranoia. I tend to overthink at that point. I should have prefaced this by saying that, although we all have abandonment issues, I REALLY have abandonment issues. In fact, there hasn't been a man in my life (minus my father) who hasn't left me at one time or another. And since I've "lost" 2 best friends in the last 3 years, I'm still feeling vulnerable.